Lurking in the Shadows.

You know what's kinda weird? The internet.

Yeah, yeah I know. It's the modern day equilivent of the Wild West and all of that stuff. I look at it as almost an interactive encyclopedia of EVERYTHING. Seriously. We all know that "google" is now a verb and not just a search engine. (And God, I wish I had bought stock.) Well, I have just spent like an hour and a half on the internet. Reading an ex-girlfriend's blog.

Now, I know it seems like everyone these days has a blog, and hell, that's true, because you're reading mine. If you knew me in person or private, you would think I was the last person on the planet to do a blog. Admittedly, I don't do this on a very regular basis, it's more like it's my way of clearing the mind-cholestrol in my head from time to time. There's also a reason why you don't know who I am and why I post anonymously. It's because I want to reserve the freedom to write about whatever I want without offending someone or incriminating anyone. The stories are all true, just all of the names are withheld. I feel like that is somewhat important to mention, because I am so the opposite of my ex. Sister puts it ALL out there, right there on her blog.

I have to admit though, I felt guilty for our breakup four years ago. I just wasn't that into it. Notice I didn't say her. At the time, I just didn't want to be in a relationship. And this woman was intense. And I am not. I like to say I am a type A/B personality. Type A when I have to be, Type B when with friends and family. So, it wasn't like I didn't like this girl, I didn't like the whole situation and ideal. So that ended us.

I still think of her from time to time. Her MySpace page is now private, so I can't keep up with her. Lest you think I am a complete stalker, I did and do care a lot for her, but feel my presence in her life would mess things up somehow. I am not trying to be arrogant or think that I have some sort of hold over her, rather I think it would remind her of a time where both of our lives were pretty painful. It's few and far between when I think of that time period. I was a damaged individual, working too much and not taking the time to relax and enjoy people who care about me. I like to think we ended things well, as I got a very sweet e-mail when she moved and went on with her life. That's how I think she would like to remember me and that period of her life.

Which brings me to tonight. I think of my ex and really, truly hope she is doing well. I happened to find a blog that she writes and God, she's a great writer. Part of me read her blog to see how she is doing and part of me read it because it offered an insight into a soul that I refused to fully let into my life.

She seems incredibly happy and content. She's got a great partner (whom I once briefly met and liked very much) and they seem very compatible. She and her partner are planning on having a child. Of course, I don't know any of the friends she now refers to or anything, but I do know how wonderful a person she is and to read about her (mis)adventures makes me chuckle, but it also does something else for me.

It lets me know she's doing just fine without me.

And rather than be upset or wonder what might have been, somehow it all makes me oddly happy. Happy for her.

Someday, I hope to find a person like the one she found after me.

Godspeed.